The Tekken St Patrick's Day Special: Nina and Anna
by Caligula II
Summary: A sequel to the Tekken Valentine Special. Nina and Anna go crazy on St. Patrick's. Retarded randomnes, shamrocks, heavy drinking, indecent exposure... the works.
1. Waking Up

**AN: Yayy, St. Patrick's day is coming up. Who woulda thought that I would be writing a fic bout it? **

**Anywhoo... well don't expect anything realy good cuz I have never celebrated St. Patrick, nor I have withnessed St. Patrick celebrations. Tips are always welcome.**

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It was just an ordinary morning in the flat of Nina and Anna Williams, when they woke up and started their daily routine.

"Where are my slippers, bitch?" asked Anna as she looked for her slippers.

"How the fuck should I know, slut?" fired Nina back.

"Well you hid it, bitch!" shouted Anna.

"Did not, slut!" shouted Nina in defense.

"Did too, bitch!"

And to cut a long story short, they got into a fight. Eventualy, Anna found her slippers in the microwave.

"WTF! What are my slippers doing in the microwave?" asked Anna.

Nina ignored her. as she was busy in the bathroom.

"Yo, bitch! What were my slippers doing in the microwave?"

Nina ignored her, which made Anna bust into the bathroom and find her sister shaving her legs.

"You mind, this is private!" shouted Nina as she shooed Anna out of the john.

Minding her own buisness, Anna made herself some coffee as she turned on the TV.

"...officials are quoted as saying that this year's celebration of St. Patrick's day is going to be peaceful and sober as law enforcement will ensure the control of alcoholic drinks consumption."

"Yo, bitch!" called Anna, sounding excited.

"Fuck! Can't you leave alone for at least a fucking second?" shoted Nina as she ran out of the bathroom and bitchslapped Anna.

"Bitch!" shoutted Anna and they got into a fight again.

After the fight ended, the flat looked like the victim of a raging bull, but Nina and Anna were unscatched.

"So, what the fuck were you gonna say?" asked Nina.

"Well, I saw on the telly that it's St. Patrick's tommorow."

"What the fuck does that have to do with us?" asked Nina.

"We're Irish, remember?" responded Anna.

"Well why do we talk like Americans?"

"Dunno... " Anna's brain couldn't take the stress of excessive thinking and she stopped immediately.

"Okay, so... we're gonna do something, right?" asked Nina.

"Yeah, I was thinking throw a party, but I heard that there is no booze alowed." said Anna.

"No booze?!" asked Nina in disbeleif. "But booze is in the very soul of St. Patrick's. How can they forbid booze?"

"Dunno... might have something to do with that boyfriend of yours?" asked Anna.

"Serg? What about him? He is Russian. He gets drunk for a living."

"Nah... Well how do ya think we should get the booze?"

"We could always make Lee an offer he can't refuse." suggested Nina.

"Yeah, let's call him." said Anna and called Lee on his cell.

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**AN: Crappy first chap. No rush, the next one's gonna be better.**


	2. The Invitations

**AN: Not much to say.**

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As Bryan Fury woke up in his apartment, he noticed that it looked incredibly nice and clean.

"Yawn... think I'll redecorate." and without further ado, he sprayed the walls with 'CRZY CYBORG RULZ!!!'

Then he opened a box of cereal and ate it all in one bite. He later drank an entire pack of milk.

"That concludes the food-devouring for today." he stated idioticaly, as he proceeded to put on his usual clothes. They were practicaly his pants-with-black-top suit from Tekken 5.

Forgetting to brush his teeth or floss, Bryan turned on his PC and started looking at 'naughty stuff'. He was interupted, however, by a ring of his doorbell.

"Who the fuck could it be?" wondered the bi ex-cop crazy cyborg.

He opened the door only to be flooded by mail.

"WTF!" he shouted. "Haven't these guys heard of instant messenger?"

He started browsing through the letters.

"Hmm... jury duty, jury duty, blackmail, expulsion notice, electricity bill, gas bill, dog food bill, Gates Bill, junk mail, jury duty, car impounded, court appearance, junk mail..." he browsed until he found a small letter scribbled in a horrible handwriting.

"Hmmm...Deer frindz an' dudez. I am invetink yuu to byg parti. 4 saint patrtrik dei. Signed: Nina F. Wiliams." read Bryan with difficulty. "Yeey, a party! I've been waiting for an opportunity to break loose!"

And without further ado, he grabbed his chaingunz and headed for the party.

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As Yoshimitsu was meditating, Kunimitsu was bouncing about, complaining.

"You never pay attention to me! All you do is sit there like a freak."

Yoshi was the bigger person this time.

"Yo, freak. Do you understand the words that are coming out of my cleverly concealed mouth?" asked Kuni.

Yoshi kept meditating.

"Turn around you lazy son-of-a-bitch!" shouted Kuni as she smacked Yoshi with a rolling pin.

"It not size of boat! It motion of ocean!" shouted Yoshi in Engrish.

"Excuses, excuses! Now, go and do the dishes while I check my e-mail!" ordered Kuni.

"Who wear pants in relationship?" asked Yoshi.

Kuni proceeded to turn Yoshi's head into a frying pan and he obideintly started washing the dishes. Meanwhile Kuni opened her and proceeded to read her new e-mails.

"Hmm... get rich quick, get out of debt, new chapter added to story, buy Marshall's rice balls... yo, what's this?" she leaned forward to read the message.

"Dear Friends and Coleagues. It is my honour to invite you to our rave in honour of St. Patrick's day. Signed. Anna Williams PhD." Kunimitsu read aloud. She rejoiced and immediately grabbed her secret stash of 'stuff' and went to the party.

Little did she know that Yoshi also heard about the rave.

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Paul Phoenix was singing and dancing.

"I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love, my love's gonna leave me." he sang in a pretty self-important way.

"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, sooo sexy it hurts."

Suddenly an anvil dropped on him, but his amazingly strong hair prevented any damage.

"ACME mailing service." read Paul. "You have one new message from Nina. Hmmm..." hummed Paul as he read the message.

"Hi paul wtf u bean doin? com 2 me party. gona b gr8." read Paul aloud.

"Yo, I'm too sexy for this party, too sexy for this party, so sexy I'm farting." sung Paul as he headed for the party.

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Hwoarang was making a comertial for Boosh toilet paper.

"Soo wipe your tush with Boosh.

Oh yeah, wipe your tush with Boosh

Just wipe your tush with Boosh

Oh Je-esus, wipe your tush with Boosh!"

The chorus took over as Hwoarang headed over to his private quarters, where a dude gave him a box.

"Excuse me, boss, but you got a message." said the dude.

"Dear Hwoarang. I am throwing a party in honour of St. Patrick's day. Do honour us with your presence. Anna Williams PhD." read Hwoa the message.

"Yo, there better be some serious booze." said Hwoarang as he headed for the party.

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**AN: I'm too sexy for this fic, too sexy for this fic, sooo sexy it's sick.**


	3. Karaoke

**AN: ST. Paddy's day! Yeah baby! Bring on the Guinness!

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At Anna's bar, which was invented solely for the needs of this fic, everybody was guzzling down beer and wearing green.

"Okay, folks!" announced Anna as she got on the platform everybody was facing. "It's time for the first performer of our rave! He's a world renowned comedian, ladies and gentelmen, put your beer bottles together for Kuuuuuumaaaaaa Junioooooooorrrrrrrrrr!"

Everybody laughed as Kuma got on the platform. He did a couple of bows as he grabbed the mike.

"Seriosly, folks. I was walking down the ocean one day, when this guy's asking me: Yo, what kinda animal are you? And then I say, I'm a grizzly bear. People are always fucking with me, saying wtf r u doin in Japan. Meh, says the dude. It's easy for you. See, I'm a sperm whale." said Kuma as everybody proceeded to laugh thier head off.

"Meh, I was going through this place, and I ask: How many Japanese does it take to screw in a lightbulb? And the guy sayz: I have neons" said Kuma, but he was booed of as the joke sucked arse.

"Okay, " said Anna. "It's time for our karaoke. First up is... Dragunooov!!!" she clapped as the Russian dude in a cowboy suit with ironed jeans climbed on the platform.

"This song called 'In my country there is problem.'." said Dragunov as he grabbed a guitar from nearby and started playing.

_"In my country there's problem_

_And that problem is transport_

_It take very, very long_

_because Russia is big._

_So transport down the well_

_so my country can be free_

_we must make travel easy_

_and I tell you what to do._

_In my country there's problem_

_and that problem is the Jin._

_He win every tournament_

_he never lose them._

_Throw the Jin down the well_

_So my country can be free_

_You must grab him by his horns_

_Then we have a big party!_

Everybody applauded at Dragunov's horrible singing and guitar playing and Nina hurried over to place a horny kiss on his left ear.

"Okay, folks." started Anna. "Our next contestant is Eddie Gordooooooooooo!" she clapped as the said gangsta came over and started doing his hip-hop thingy.

"Yo wtf's up witchu niggaz/ u drink like sum bitchazz." but he was quickly booed off stage as th crowd were all alergic to bullshit.

"Next up, is Paul Phoenix!"

Paul started stripping to 'I'm too sexy'.

"I'm too sexy for this beer, too sexy for this beer, soo sexy I'm queer." he sang as he poured beer over his naked body. He revealed that he was wearing a thong.

"Whooooaaaaaaaaaaaa!" the non-lesbian female, gay and bi members of the audience.

"I'm too sexy for this joint, too sexy for this joint, now get to the point." Paul sang as he got off the platform and Bryan steped up, and pulled out an electric guitar and started playing and singing.

_A Is For Anna Who Drowned In A Pool  
B Is For Baek Who Was Eaten By Ghouls  
C Is For Christie With Disease Of The Brain  
D Is For Devil Derailed On A Train  
E Is Eddie Who Was Buried Alive  
F Is For Feng Who Was Stabbed Through The Eye  
G Is For Gon Who Died In The Womb  
H Is For Heihachi Who Was Sealed In A Tomb_

_One By One We Bite The Dust  
We Kick The Bucket And Begin To Rust  
Give Up The Ghost When Your Numbers Up  
We All Fall Down_

_Ashes To Ashes, Bones To Paste  
You'll Wither Away In Your Resting Place  
Eternity In A Wooden Case  
We All Fall Down_

_I Is For Irvin Who Lost His Front Brakes  
J Is For Julia Who Was Bitten By Snakes  
K Is For King Who Was Shot In The Head  
L Is For Lili Who Bled And Bled  
M Is For Marduk Who Was Burned To A Crisp  
N Is For Nina Who Was Pummeled By Fists  
O Is For Ogre Who Lived Life To Fast  
P Is For Panda Who Swallowed Some Glass_

_One By One We Bite The Dust  
We Kick The Bucket And Begin To Rust  
Give Up The Ghost When Your Numbers Up  
We All Fall Down_

_Ashes To Ashes, Bones To Paste  
You'll Wither Away In Your Resting Place  
Eternity In A Wooden Case  
We All Fall Down_

_Q Is For Caligula Who Took The Wrong Trail  
R Is For Raven Who Rotted In Jail  
S Is For Steve Who Was Shot With A Bow  
T Is For Tiger Who Froze In The Snow  
U Is Unknown Who Was Trampled By Hooves  
V Is For Violet Who Fell Off A Roof  
W Is For Wang Who Was Hit By A Car  
X Is For Xiaoyu Who Sunk In The Tar  
Y Is For Yoshi Who Fell From A Plane  
Z Is For Zafina Who Simply Went_

_INSANE_

There were anchores and applause and everybody in the room was commending Bryan of his talent.

"And here I have the winner." said Nina holding out an envelope. "It's..." and everybody waited as if they were waiting for the winners of the Academy Awards. "... Dragunov!!!"

As Sergei went to claim his prize, the crowd booed and threw beer bottles at him.

"Bryan! Bryan! Bryan! Bryan..." shouted everybody.

Needless to say that Bryan got angry...

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**AN: Can anybody guess what is the original name and performer of Bryan's song?**


	4. Competitions

**AN: Yeah, St. Paddy's long gone, so I was thinking that I should scrap this fic... But then I got the coolest idea ever.**

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As Dragunov received his award, he was hit in the head by a flying beer bottle.

"Ouchsky! Vho is being throv beersky at me?" he asked in his trademark Russian accent. (which I invented myself)

"Get off the stage, Ivan! We want Bryan!!!" shouted Kunimitsu.

"Name is not being Ivan, is Sergei!" shouted Sergei back.

"What-fucking-ever!" shouted Kuni. She got on the stage and bitchslapped Dragunov.

"That is being hutingfull."

"Deal with it!" shouted Kuni as she smacked him with a rolling pin.

"Vho is being vriting shit stori vhere I getting smacked on head?" asked Dragunov, as the stagelight inexplicably dropped on him.

"Yo, hold it right there!" shouted Anna. "What if Bryan and Sergei have a contest where they decide who deserves the award?"

"Heh, ma Sergy's gonna kick ass!" stated Nina F. Williams.

"No fucking way, bitch!" shouted Kuni as she kicked Nina in the shin.

"That fucking hurt!" complained Nina as she punched Kuni's jaw.

"STOP IT!!!" shouted Anna. "Now, would please Bryan get on the stage?"

Bryan got on stage, hauling his bigass chaingun and some other weapons. Sergei cracked his fingers.

"I am being very delighted to be kicking ass." stated Sergei.

"Yours is gonna get kicked, russkie!" taunted Bryan.

"Yeah... Whatever." said Anna. "Now, get ready for the first competition... Thheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee DANCEOFF!!!"

Everybody cheered as they al appreciated dancing.

Dragunov got out first and everybody booed.

Suddenly, Sexy Thing by James Brown started playing. (I just love those '70s songs) Dragunov did some cool disco moves to which the crowd grooved. (think Tiger's TTT ending)

Everybody cheered when Dragunov started breakdancing. Then the music stopped and he got off the stage as Bryan stepped up.

Suddenly, some weird music started playing... and much to everybody's surprise, Bryan started riverdancing. The crowd proceeded to laugh their arses off.

As Bryan got a little too violent, the stage crashed and broke, sending Bryan to the netherealm (well actualy, it was a 2 feet fall, but I like to exagerate).

"Muahahahahahahahaha!" laughed the crowd.

"Lolz that." said Anna. "And now for the next competition... The Beer Drinkoff!!!"

"Yeaaaaah!!!" cheered the crowd as two unidentified JACK-5s brought huge amounts of Guinness.

Sergei approached the beer pile and started drinking. But he could only handle 20 bottles before falling to the ground, his stomach swollen.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" booed everybody.

Bryan stepped up and took to the beer. He proceeded to dry out every single bottle, including Dragunov's.

"Goooooooo Bryyyaaaaan!!!" shouted Kuni who got naked, revealing that she had a Bryan tattoo on her butt.

"Oooooooooohhhh." ooohed everybody at the sight of Kuni's assets.

"Man, she's hot!" said Bryan who was pretty drunk from all the beer.

"Bryan, Bryan, he's our man!" cheered Kuni, but nobody bothered to look at Bryan, as everybody was oggling her.

"Get yourserf covered, Kuni-chan." said Yoshi who showed up from nowhere.

"Where's did you come from, pinhead?" asked Kuni.

"Cover your modesty, so we can be happy." said Yoshi.

"No fucking way! My heart, and all the stuff in it's vicinity belong to Bryan!" shouted Kuni and everybody gave Bryan jealous looks.

"Then I sharr fight him, for you are my girrfriend-chan!" stated Yoshi who drew his sword.

"Bring that shit, pinhead!" chalenged Bryan.

Yoshi started his helicopter thingy, but Bryan pulled out his chaingun and turned Yoshi into Swiss cheese.

"I have faired you, sensei." said Yoshi as he fell to the ground.

Bryan got offstage and went to claim his prize, which was Kuni. They went to... ahem, enjoy the spoils of war someplace else.

"Sooooo." Anna got on stage, holding an envelope that contained the name of the winner. "Our winner for this party is...

PAUL PHOENIX!!!"

Everybody made Vikinglike roars to support Paul as he got on stage and started singing 'I'm too Sexy' again.

"I'm a model, you know what I mean

and I do my little thing on the catwalk.

On the catwalk, yeah, on the catwalk

I shake my little tush on the catwalk."

Everybody cheered as Paul shook his rather large tush. Nina was trying to reviwe Sergei, but to no awail. He just couldn't take it.

"Fucking softie!" swore Nina. "I gotta get me a real man!" she said as she eyed the dudes in the audience.

"Okay, would all the fags and softies get the hell out, so I can get me a real man?" she shouted, after which the only people left were Anna, Dragunov and Heihachi.

"Shit! I'm stuck with a pompous slut, a worthless comie and a perverted old fart."

"Man, this party sucks." said Heihachi as he left the party.

"Way to go, Miss Tomboy." said Anna. "You pooped my party!"

"Yeah... it sucked bigtime!" fired Nina back.

"Shut up, bitch!"

"No, you shut up, slut!"

"No, you shut up, bitch!"

No, you shut up, slut!"

Epilogue:

Bryan and Kuni had the time of their life. If I told you what they did, I would have to re-rate this fic.

Anna and Nina didn't change a lot.

Yoshi was reviwed in that idiotic way in which nobody dies in games.

Paul got into modeling and won world fame.

Nina was condemned as homphobic.

Dragunov kept the toilet occupied for 32 hours.

Eddie got shot and then became a world famous rapper called 70 pesetas.

Caligula II decided not to do another holiday special until 4th of July.

He would also like to apologise if he insulted any Irish, Russian or gay readers. Sorry folks, but stereotypes are fun.

He also thanks: mirrors of illusion, PINK dict tape, jineye, Purple Cobra 247, Makaveli, animetekkenlover and everybody else who took the time to review, read and laugh at this second-grade fic.

Horribly late for class, the mysterious Caligula saves this doc and dissapears once again into the night, despite the fact that it is a rather sunny day.


End file.
